Transcript 0:00 Talk to me. Information, news, and entertainment on demand. WUS radio.com. 0:10 [upbeat music] Welcome to The Peggy Smedley Show, the voice of IoT in our connected world, with your host, Peggy Smedley. [upbeat music] Hello, listeners, and welcome back to The Peggy Sledley Show. 0:25 My final guest today is a business consultant, communication coach, keynote speaker, a- author, and even co-author of, and publisher of eight books. 0:36 Advising hundreds of thousands of leaders, he has helped create multi-million dollar revenue streams for businesses on four continents. 0:44 Please welcome Chris Westfall, author of Leadership Language: Using Authentic Communication to Drive Results. Chris, welcome to the show. Thank you, Peggy. It's a pleasure to be here. Great to talk to you. 0:58 Well, I'm delighted to have you on the show, so let's talk about it. I'm really curious on how does communication create the results that you need, or the consequences it doesn't. 1:08 In today's society, we've [laughs] seen it in all different ways. So I'm dying to hear you give me an answer to this one. 1:14 [laughs] Well, just because you can say something doesn't necessarily mean that you should, and that's something [laughs] that we've, we see time and time again. 1:22 [laughs] That communication is the key to your success or those unintended consequences. You know, a statistic- I have so many things I wanna say there, Chris, right now. I'm just being really nice. Well, well go ahead. 1:35 But go ahead. It's your sh- No, no. Go ahead. It's your show. Go ahead. What were you gonna say? [laughs] No, no, no. I mean, it's so true. I mean, we've seen it. Social media lives and breathes it every day. 1:43 I mean, there's so many people who should not be on social media, I mean. But go ahead. Well, that's... That... 1:49 Maybe that's a conversation for another day, but for the folks who are listening, if you wanna create a message with impact, whether you tweet it or tell it, you have to give some attention to what I call leadership language. 1:59 And leadership language really came from a place... Well, I... 2:03 There was an article that I read, actually, in a Harvard Business Review, that says that over 66%, in fact, the actual number is 69% of managers surveyed by the Harvard Business Review were uncomfortable talking to employees for any reason. 2:21 Now, those statistics change when it's a corrective conversation or when they're giving some sort of evaluation. 2:26 But I found this statistic to be very telling in this world of connectivity and where we've got this always-on technology. 2:35 But instead of it empowering conversations, it's creating, uh, an atmosphere where we're afraid to connect and communicate. And yet that's the centerpiece of leadership, that's the centerpiece of real impact. 2:48 Your ability to communicate is what's gonna teach people how to treat you, how to follow your ideas, how to invest in your business. 2:56 So the, the importance of communication can't be understated, especially in a world where, where we can, you know, say and send any message. 3:07 We have to be very careful about the messages that we convey and how we convey them. And I love that you make a point about sometimes the simplest messages are, are maybe, are they the strongest or not? I don't know. 3:20 But I guess the question behind that is, I think we have-- we use our devices sometimes as, as a crutch because people don't know- Mm-hmm... how to have face-to-face to communication. 3:31 So is that part of the problem, that managers don't know, that 69%? Because when we go to dinner, we see people don't even have conversations. I, I'll give you an example. Hmm. 3:41 My husband and I and my mother-in-law went to breakfast this past Saturday morning, and we watched a couple never have a conversation, and they were [laughs] at their devices the entire breakfast. 3:53 We're like, "What is the state of that?" And if your 69% is any indication, if managers can't correct something, it's because they're-- everybody's looking at their devices. 4:03 So how do people actually communicate if all they do is send a message? And you can't tell tone in a device. 4:10 So if our new generation of people don't know how to communicate and any, all communication is through devices, how do you know if you like something or don't? What, do you put it all in caps? 4:19 I don't, I don't know what that means. 4:21 [laughs] It seems to me what you're saying is we've gotta put down the phone if we wanna pick up a conversation, and sometimes being deliberate about the conversations that matter means saying, "You know what? 4:34 I'm, I'm not gonna pull out my phone," or i- in fact, agreeing between friends and family that, you know, our, our phones aren't gonna be a part of this conversation. 4:42 Now, that may seem artificial and strange, but then again, that might be what's necessary to, to find the, the connections that are most important. 4:51 Because while things like artificial intelligence and chatbots and, and texting [laughs] and all these kinds of things give us that ability to communicate digitally, it, it's not that authentic connection that is the source of, of true leadership and the source of real conversation, where e- exactly as you say, but where you can tell tone, and you can see facial reactions and stuff like that. 5:14 Sometimes it's easier to, um, not have to have the messy parts of the conversation, to not see the eye rolls and all that kind of stuff. But when the, when the conversation really matters, 5:26 you want the full effect, and that full effect cannot, cannot be found through a keyboard. So how do listeners harness that hidden power of the you language that you describe? 5:40 'Cause I think that's so important for them to understand, and they have to be if they wanna be very good managers, they wanna be good spouses, good friends. I mean, there's a key to all of that. Sure. 5:52 And the key is where you put your attention is where you're gonna find your results, and that's true in business, and it's true in relationships. 5:58 And if you are not able to put your attention on the person right in front of you-You're, you're not gonna be able to convey, communicate, and really hear and understand where, where they are. 6:10 So you mentioned the you language that I talk about in the book, and when, when you make the second person first, in other words, the second person is you, when you make your listener the most important person in the room, the conversation changes, and you find that you're able to listen in new ways. 6:28 And I talk about the various ways to, to listen in the book, and there's actually instruction and guidance on how you can listen more effectively because that, that often is, is what's missing, is our ability to really just, just connect. 6:41 Our, our devices have robbed us of the, the connections that we crave. 6:46 And part of the reason that I wrote Leadership Language is to, is to inject that kind of personal connection and authenticity back into the conversation. So we're really becoming a society of bad listeners. 7:00 I think that's part of it. And, and I th-- I, I mean, what... Don't, don't you... Do you see that as well, Peggy? Oh, I, I, I absolutely. I... As we describe... 7:09 I mean, I have a rule in my house, you know, you can't use your phone at dinner, you know what I mean? You know. Mm-hmm. 7:14 My, my children are all grown, but if they come to visit me with their significant others, the phone must go away. Their time needs to be with me if they're coming to visit. I'd like to spend time with my family. 7:25 Now, maybe I'm dictatorial, but I'd like to think that we're all together for a reason. 7:30 So I, I'm just saying un-unless there's something significant they're getting a call for, but it can't be their friends texting them to say, "Hey, you wanna go out tonight?" You know? It's... The time is family time. 7:40 So, but is that the same thing when we're in our office, we're having a meeting. I don't want them to have their phones unless there's something critical for business. 7:48 But isn't the time we're having a meeting to discuss a meeting? Isn't, isn't that what you're saying in your book? A hundred percent. I couldn't agree with you more. You... 7:56 And y- as a leader, whether that [laughs] whether that means you're the mom at the dinner table or the CEO at the conference table, you have to set some guidelines to help people to know where to focus. 8:09 And if the focus is on Pinterest instead of on people, you're, you're looking in the wrong direction, and you're not gonna find the connections. 8:15 And especially at holidays and mealtimes with all the busy schedules, it's, it's never been more important. 8:21 In the relationships that matter, and I'm talking about personal relationships, family relationships, as well as business relationships, we, we owe it to ourselves to put down the phone and pick up the conversation and focus on the people that matter. 8:34 Because a-at the end of the day, the connections, the interpersonal connections are, are the reason, the reason why we have all this technology, is to help us to stay connected to people. 8:44 And yet, yet that personal touch is the, the real intelligence beyond the artificial intelligence that, that creates the relationships that we all crave because that's the way we're wired as human beings. 8:57 Well, Chris, we're out of time, but I hope people will get your book, the Author Leadership Language: Using Authentic Communication to Drive Results. Where can they get it? 9:06 They can find it anywhere books are sold, but also online, of course on amazon.com and any of your favorite retailers. You can find out more about the- All right, Chris, thank you for joining us. 9:19 All right, listeners, we're out of time. Remember, we're broadcast live every Tuesday at twelve PM Central. This is The Peggy Smedley Show, the podcasting voice of IoT and re-relevant technology. 9:29 And remember, with great technology comes great responsibility. Have an awesome week. 9:36 [upbeat music] With great technology comes great responsibility. 10:04 Follow Internet of Things tech expert and futurist Peggy Smedley, repeatedly ranked as a top IoT and M2M influencer. 10:12 Go to peggy_smedley on Twitter for her take on the latest tech news and lively interviews with other industry insiders on her weekly radio show. Visit twitter.com and search for peggy_smedley to follow her today. 10:27 [upbeat music] Video consumption is on the rise. So to reach this audience, Constructek Magazine created Constructek TV. 10:39 Constructek TV helps construction professionals leverage emerging solutions to better their business. Tune in to constructek.tv to catch the latest show on the first and third Tuesday of each month. 10:49 Like, view, and subscribe to constructek.tv. Bringing dynamic video to construction. [upbeat music] Signal to noise, an electronic term with new relevance on the internet. 11:04 Connected World Media cuts through the noise of data overload and finds you the signal of important information, information that will keep you current and aware of context in the Internet of Things. 11:15 Peggy Smedley shares her insights on The Peggy Smedley Show and in Connected World Magazine, all online at connectedworld.com. 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