Transcript 0:00 [outro jingle] Sometimes we think we have the answers, and sometimes it's just better to listen. There is always more time to learn. Don't be competitive. Be supportive. 0:18 And- [on-hold music] Welcome to The Peggy Smedley Show, your voice for our connected world, with your host, Peggy Smedley. 0:37 Hello, listeners, and welcome to today's edition of The Peggy Smedley Show. I'm your host, Peggy Smedley. 0:42 For today's first segment, I have some personal information to share, and we'll talk about the importance of mentorship. I will get into that in just a minute, but let's talk about our guests we will have on the show. 0:54 I will be talking to Mike Specian, research manager at the American Council for an Energy-Efficient Economy, and then I will wrap up the show with Dean Amhaus, president and CEO of the Water Council, so I hope you'll stick around for those guests. 1:10 But let's jump right into this. Those of you who are regular listeners to The Peggy Smedley Show have heard me talk all about various family members. 1:20 I personally enjoy sharing on the show the lessons I have learned and how they eventually influence the way we live, work, and play. 1:29 With that being said, I'm certain you have heard me mention my mother-in-law a time or two over the years. 1:36 I'm saddened to say, this past week she passed away, and my husband, Dave, and the entire family had to say goodbye to a very wonderful woman. And while I am still very sad, I had to say one final farewell. 1:51 I was very happy my sister-in-law and I were able to be with her for the final week or more of her life and give her the care sh- that she needed to pass away the way she wanted and in the home she wanted. 2:05 Her wish was to die at home and eventually be with her best friend, her husband of fifty-six years, William Smedley, and I am confident we gave her that wish. Rosemarie Smedley, a great life well lived. 2:21 How many people can say they had a life well lived at the age of ninety-seven? My guess, not many, but Rosemarie Smedley did. She lived it well, and her wish was that her seven children did the same. Don't get me wrong. 2:38 It is not to say it did not come with some heartache. My amazing mother-in-law lost two sons. Rick died in 2000, and then her eldest son, Bill, died in 2020. 2:50 But those two losses did not compare to the death of her greatest love of her life, Captain Smedley. Their love was, and is, never-ending. I couldn't help but respect the way she took care of my father-in-law. 3:04 Nothing made her more content than to be a supportive wife and confidant. That's why she pampered my father-in-law so much, but in her mind, she didn't indulge him enough. It's kind of funny, though. 3:19 This is a man who flew 747s but couldn't operate a microwave because she coddled him by cooking all of his meals, and she even served h- them on the couch. 3:31 She cleaned and ironed all of his clothes and accompanied his need for two-pocket shirts, which were almost impossible to find. She scoured the planet for them. Remember, there was no internet back then. 3:46 She would bring him a cup of coffee in the morning or at night when he was reading a book just to see him, even after fifty-six years of marriage. She missed that. 3:57 At her service, when we gave her her eulogies, there was a consistent theme. If I must pick one thing about her beyond her kindness and her generosity that was just as important, it was her view of the world. 4:11 She tried to be happy as often as possible. She was loved, kind, and giving, and was very admired for how she viewed the world as a wife, mother, grandmother, and to me, an amazing mother-in-law. 4:26 While I am still sad, selfishly, I am missing the everyday calls we shared for almost thirty-eight years. I learned so much from our many conversations. 4:38 The point here, as mentors and mentees, we have a great opportunity to gain experience and to soak up all this amazing advice. We have a chance to share beyond talking, but just listening. 4:54 On this radio show, we talk about the future of work, STEM, women in technology, and what it takes to be a better employee. 5:04 By understanding the type of person we are determines our ability to show empathy and compassion. My mother-in-law taught me all of this through example. She was happy and cheerful. 5:19 She was encouraging, talking all about her children and her other in-laws in a very positive light. She made us all feel important. She bragged about all twenty-three grandchildren and all eight great-grandchildren. 5:37 She avoided taking sides. She listened and never got in the middle of anything. Even when she had an opinion, she didn't voice it. 5:47 When asked, she gently pointed out what would matter to us and asked us what did we want to do. She always made it seem like it was our idea. She always had an open-door policy.Invited everyone to visit. 6:05 She encouraged us to do the same, and we do, and now we are all the same. We never get upset when people quickly visit. In fact, we welcome it. 6:18 She always remembered important details, birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions. I could only aspire to recall as much as she did. But I am working on creating lists to be as special as her. 6:34 She was older, wiser, and taught me through constant example, and it's that example I want to be for my children. 6:42 To be very candid, what made our relationship work is that I realized her role in my life, and I never tried to overstep. 6:51 Much like an executive or manager in a company, I listened and followed the lessons learned from her years of experience. I recognized times have changed, but always took the wisdom of what still stays the same. 7:07 I was very comfortable taking a backseat. Similar to what we do in business, it's essential to have a clear view of your role in the family dynamics and be visible and essential when called upon. 7:21 What's more, families are important, just like in a meeting. Everyone needs to know the role played and how relevant you are in every discussion and when you are providing emotional support. 7:35 During the week before Mom died, she shared a few more stories with me and my sister-in-law, and we laughed with her a lot in the wee hours of the night. 7:47 One memorable moment occurred when we were trying to figure out something to get her to eat in the middle of the night. Betty suggested chicken broth even though she knew Mom did not prefer chicken. 7:59 Now, I replied, "I did not know you didn't like chicken," since Mom cooked fried chicken all the time. Even Dave cooked chicken for her many times when she was at our home for dinner. 8:11 So I asked, "Why didn't you ever tell us you didn't like chicken?" She replied, "I'm not rude." 8:17 We burst into laughter so loud because she loved to tell the story of when I was at her house and on one of our first dates with Dave, and I leaned over to Dave and said, "Do I really have to eat these peas?" 8:30 And he said, "No." Somehow she heard me whisper, and until the day she died, she loved to tell everyone that story of how I hate peas. Sometimes we think we have the answers, and sometimes it's just better to listen. 8:48 There is always more time to learn. Don't be competitive. Be supportive. In fact, my guess now is that my in-laws are having the great time of their life. 9:04 They're up there having a palm party with friends and family. Now, I suggest you don't look that up in the Urban Dictionary, because you're gonna get the wrong answer. 9:14 Since she lived 10 decades, she had many amazing stories. She taught us things like butcher day in, in the winter, making popcorn using a sheet, rendered the fat off the hog, 9:31 thrasher day in the fall for wheat, putting lard in cans. Imagine that today. She ruined the hunting dogs by letting them in the house. They're supposed to be outside, or I guess she ruined their ability to hunt. 9:47 She washed the smoking pipes, and her brother said she ruined those pipes after doing that, and she was the only one that could make a good pie, and when her brothers tried, even the dogs wouldn't eat it. 10:00 She always put others first. In fact, the night before she died, she told us all to just sit down, stop pacing, and not to worry about anything. Sure, no problem. Let's all have a cocktail too. 10:17 She was a very amazing grandmother. She attended to recitals, sporting events, graduations, made Halloween costumes, and loved to babysit. Simply, what happened at Grandma's house stayed at Grandma's house. 10:34 She loved when her grandchildren would say they got their blue eyes from Grandma's house. 10:40 She sewed all the badges on my daughter's Girl Scout vests over the years, and when she had many others, she sewed them on, didn't say a word about it. She loved it and was happy to do it because she knew I couldn't sew. 10:55 She wanted to remind me to tell all of her grandchildren, "If you would not want your grandmother to see you doing it, don't do it." She stressed that all of her children need to focus on today, not tomorrow. 11:10 Great lesson for all of us. Live life to the fullest today. She wants everyone to be happy and enjoy life now and find the things that make you happy. We talked about that a lot. Lots of wisdom there. 11:26 While Rosemarie was not my biological mother, I could not have loved anyone more. I'm already missing those calls, the routine we had every day. Mom, thank you for giving me the privilege of being with you 11:42 in the final days and hours. She loved, she laughed, she inspired, and she loved a good joke. In fact, when her sons asked her if there was anything else they needed to know, she said, "Yes, you are all adopted." 11:59 You hold a very special place in my heart because of all the memories that we share. But most importantly, you had the opportunity to leave this place the way you wanted. 12:11 I hope you have special memories just like I just shared today and will share those with me on Connected World and social media or on LinkedIn. Share those so that we can be better mentors and mentees. 12:25 All right, listeners, that's all the time we have for this first segment. Please check out our website at connectedworld.com, our show website at thepeggy medleyshow.com. 12:34 Make sure to share and subscribe to these episodes each week, but don't go away, because we're gonna be right back after this commercial break. 12:42 Remember, this is The Peggy Smedley Show, your voice for our connected world, and with great technology comes great responsibility.
